Christmas IT Jokes that are so bad even the cracker factory didn't want them!
We thought we would change it up slightly this week in the run up to Christmas with some really bad, no, woefully bad IT Jokes just to make you appreciate the ones you get out of Christmas Crackers even more!
Buckle up, here goes....
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Q. How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - it's a hardware fault
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Q. Why did the keyboard maker get sacked in the run up to Christmas?
A. He kept forgetting to put in his "Shifts"
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Q. What is the difference between an ordinary computer keyboard and a Christmas computer keyboard?
A. Not much really apart from the Christmas keyboard has "No L"
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A network engineer finds himself shipwrecked on a desert island, not knowing what to do, he decides to take a quick inventory of what he has with him.
He has a pocket knife, a candy bar and a reel of network fibre cable.
While he ponders his fate, he uses the pocket knife to cut a bit off the candy bar and comes up with a plan.
He digs a trench, buries the cable, then waits....
30 minutes later, a utility companies turns up, and true to form, digs up the exact same spot on the ground severing the fibre.
The engineer got his rescue.
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A programmer is going to the shops so his wife says to him "can you get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, can you get a dozen."
About 2 hours later, the programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "because the shop had eggs."
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A man is flying in a hot air balloon when realizes he has no idea where he is.
He lets out some hot air from the balloon to reduce altitude until he is low enough to be withing shouting distance of a man on the ground.
He leans over the edge of the basket and shouts "Hello, you down there, can you tell me where I am?"
The man on the ground says, "Yes, of course. You're in a hot air balloon, about 20 feet above me, flying over a field"
The man in the balloon replies "You must work in IT"
"I do", says the man on the ground, who then goes on to say "How did you work that out?"
The man in the balloon replies "whilst what you told me is technically correct, it's of no use to man nor beast"
The man on the ground thinks for a bit then replies "You must be a Business Manager."
"I am" replies the astonished man in the balloon, who replies "tell me, how did you know?"
"Well", says the man on the ground, "you don't know where you are, OR where you are going, BUT you expect me to be able to answer your questions. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's all my fault."
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Q. How can you tell if a programmer is an extrovert?
A. He stares at your shoes when he talks to you.
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Q. What does an HTML coder and a spider have in common?
A. They both make web sites
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Q. Why was Microsoft Outlook wearing reading glasses?
A. Because it lost its contacts
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A customer rings up their IT support company saying "Help, for some reason my computer keeps on singing the theme song to Skyfall"
The IT engineer replies "Don't worry, that's normal for A Dell"
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Q. What is a hackers favourite hobby?
A. Going Phishing
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Q. Why are the mummies from the pyramids insecure?
A. Because they were unencrypted
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Q. How did the hacker escape when being chased by the police?
A. He Ransomware
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Q. Why are email security gateways so lonely?
A. They are afraid of attachment(s)
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Q. Why did the programmer leave his visit to the countryside early?
A. He found too many bugs
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There are 10 types of people in this world... those who understand binary and those that don't
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Q. How do computer nerds start a speed dating session?
A. "Singles, sign on"
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Stop groaning, I said at the start they were awful!!
Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. To see our office opening hours over Christmas click here
We will be in touch with our customers in the new year with some exciting offers and ways to save money, helping your budget go even further!